Last Saturday night soon after posting the last blog post I ended up having to go to the emergency room because I, out of nowhere, started bleeding A LOT, to the point where I was scared and called HealthLink (a 24/7 health phone call program here in Alberta where you can talk to a nurse and ask questions and ask for advice on what you should do basically) and they told me I should go to the hospital to be safe because of how much I had lost (spoiler alert: it’s not because I was pregnant or anything so don’t worry). We were there from 9:30 pm until just before 2 am Sunday morning. They originally assumed i was miscarrying but I knew I wasn’t pregnant, which they confirmed for themselves by a negative pregnancy blood test there. I was in no pain at all thankfully, the doctor basically asked me some questions and pressed on my back and lower stomach area. I left really frustrated because I have no explanation of what is happening to me except that the ER doctor said that based on me explaining my last 4 months of cycles, that they are very irregular (duh, i knew that) and that I should follow up with my family doctor to see what we can do to try and figure out what’s wrong and he said she may end up wanting to put me on birth control to regulate them and stop after a few months(which i am 100% not okay with and would like to avoid as much as possible as I haven’t been on hormonal birth control since 2010 and the side effects are just not for me).
Fast forward to Tuesday, my family doctor is stumped also as the ultrasound she sent me for to check for any irregularities such as cysts or polyps came back clear and healthy (this is a good thing obviously…but it just leads me to wondering more about what could be the issue I’m having).
I asked her if she thought stress could be the culprit behind my irregular cycles. She said that stress can affect cycles, but she doesn’t think that it would to the extent that I have been experiencing especially what happened last weekend. That was kind of a relief to hear her say because I trust her and should have trusted my gut in that I was already thinking similarly. She is referring me to a gynecologist, which can take a long time, she’s thinking 5-6 months FML!!! By that time, it will be over a year of trying and then they’ll have to start referring us to fertility doctors, which is just a whole other stress for me to think about, but I’m not trying to think about it until the one year of trying mark comes up in December.
As for my own struggle with stress right now, I am trying to be in control when I can be and have been doing the following things:
- meditating, that headspace app I told you about last week has been really great and helped me make space for myself when I woke up worried about the car at 12:30 am earlier this week and had racing thoughts about all the things that have gone wrong and could go wrong with it until around 2 am when I thought fuck this, and I moved myself to our spare room and meditated with the app and was fast asleep soon after
- admitting when I feel stressed and communicating this to my partner so he is aware of how I am feeling and to give me space when I need it
- listening to podcasts
- yoga, just got a month unlimited at Yogalife (they have a discount for an extra % off, so it came to only like $25 for the month), and started today with a nice, slow Yin class. I’m already signed up for Hatha tomorrow morning. I plan to go 3-4 times per week as long as they’re relaxing classes on the schedule since it’s different every day. I’ve always turned to yoga during hard times in my life and I love going back to it to create space in my mind, and my body.
- applying to jobs I can see myself feeling passionate about and where I could acquire new skills. I have also allowed myself to be more flexible in where I apply. Previously, I didn’t want anything less than permanent FT, but now I am willing to take on a term position (around the one year length) if it means I can get my foot in the door to one of the places I can see myself working and growing in
- trying to focus on the stuff that has gone “right” for me, instead of focusing on all the stuff I feel stressed about
- paying more attention to how I’m eating and why I am eating, as in am i eating because I am hungry or am I eating because I’m not wanting to deal with whatever negative feelings I’m having. I’ve recently recognized myself slipping into: rushed eating, eating while standing, or just shoving food into my mouth as soon as I get home or eating while cooking. These are things I know that happen when I feel stress and try and mask that feeling. The fact that I am quicker to recognize this in myself is huge for me, and I owe that skill to therapy. If you don’t know about my journey with disordered eating and are curious about it, I encourage you to go to the beginning of my blog posts and read about it.
That’s basically all I have for an update. If you have any questions, let me know and I’ll do my best to get back to you.