It’s been a while and I’ve been feeling guilty about not posting for ~ 4 weeks but I am back. I originally planned to take a week off posting while we enjoyed our BC vacation but a lot has happened in the last month and it just got pushed to the side like a lot of other stuff has.
I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. After the planned one week off of blogging, everything just kinda snowballed until this week. I think it started out as me feeling like I was in a vulnerability hangover. Spilling my heart for over a month about my disordered eating habits and therapy was very emotional for me, something I kept to myself for too long and i definitely don’t regret sharing my thoughts with people but it was A LOT to share all at once.
Work has been pretty busy for the last few months and some weeks I feel like I don’t have enough time to finish everything I planned out to do. That led to me feeling disappointed in myself and my work. I feel and still am feeling like a failure. I know I am not, but it’s just a feeling I’ve noticed pop up a lot lately. I’m also looking at making a career change, hopefully soon and had enlisted so many amazing friends and internet friends for tips and guidance on how best to go about applying for new jobs. I have worked at the same company for almost 8 years and it’s just time for me to challenge myself in a whole new way, and so I have been looking externally for jobs that have the right fit for me. It’s overwhelming, to say the least!
I’ve also been adjusting to my spouse working shift work and taking on a lot of the responsibility of taking care of myself, our home, and our 2 animals. I am not complaining at all because he is awesome at contributing to our lives and responsibilities but it’s definitely a learning curve after having him home for most of the past year.
I’ve noticed I haven’t been taking as good of care as I should when it comes to myself. My main priority was working, and then coming home and helping L apply to jobs (being a tradesperson in Alberta is not fun right now, and it’s been a VERY tough 1+ years for us but that’s another story for another time). We are so grateful he landed something recently and I have gone through shift work before and once I am in the groove I know I will be feeling totally fine. The last month I have been eating on the go, standing while i eat at the counter, or eating in my car (since going in depth into my issues with food I now realize this is probably the FIRST sign that something is off with me). I have turned to food a few times in the last month for comfort but realized damn quickly what I was doing and that i was self-sabotaging myself. I have felt the need to start to nourish my body more and add more movement back into my life.
Thanks to a class pass sale I have started attending spin class again at my favourite studio downtown. Up until yesterday, I hadn’t run in about 2 months after I finished my half marathon at the end of January. Yesterday was Lexi’s (our dog) 6th birthday and I decided it was the perfect day for us to go to the off leash park as I wanted to run for the first time in a while. It felt so good to SWEAT in the sun and just feel most like myself as I was running on the trails with her.
I have been wanting to clean our refrigerator for MONTHS and just haven’t gotten around to it. Tonight, after I got home from work I decided to put my feelings of stress into something I know am great at, cleaning! It was actually therapeutic for me HA HA. I put on my favourite new podcast called S-Town (it’s from the same producers as SERIAL and i’m addicted!). and busted my ass taking all the shelves out to wash them, the inside and all the containers of condiments in the door. Our fridge is probably cleaner now than when we first bought our home. I also cut up the veggies I’ve been waiting to add to my meals after putting that off for 4 days and was able to sit down to a nice, nourishing meal. I just had a huge salad and some hummus because that’s what my body was craving today and it just felt so nice to finally be able to settle down with myself and my thoughts and focus on ME!
Here is my masterpiece:
I’m meeting one of my favourite people for a spin class tomorrow morning before work. I realize scheduling things like a run, cleaning the fridge, or booking spin is so valuable to me and my time. It is so easy to just let everything pile up and push things aside that are important to me and allowing myself to get put on the back burner. I have to make a more conscious effort to pick up on the red flags when I am starting to feel less like myself so this doesn’t happen again!
Any of my blogger friends ever feel like you have nothing exciting to post about? That’s kinda how I have been feeling lately. Any tips for me? For anyone who reads my ramblings, is there anything you would like to see me post about? Please let me know in the comments!